We all affect others anyway. Why not affect them profoundly? Here are 10 proven ways to do this, all of which will make you a lot more attractive to others and to yourself.

1. Listen for and point out the special gifts, traits or talents of the other person. Most people are listening for what they need from the other person. When you're listening for what's special or unique about a person -- and point it out -- you'll very much affect them positively, with very, very little effort on your part. What if you did this during every conversation you had for the rest of your life? Hmm, sounds pretty attractive to me.

2. Listen and respond-in-kind to the underlying emotion of the other person. Facts and information are valuable, but are rarely profound. What is profound is people, emotions and concepts. Next time you're listening to your child, client or friend, feel what they are feeling and respond in kind to that, instead of just to what they are saying. Feelings are the fastest way to the person's heart.

3. Deliver nuggets/messages that can be remembered and retransmitted. There is something called memes, which are basically the idea-equivalent of genes. Read Richard Brodie's book "Virus of the Mind" for the complete story. But the idea is that when you can package information, concepts or truth into nugget-sized packages, they don't only land easily on the person you're talking to, but that person can pass them on to others easily, like a virus. Virus, get it? The biggest thing in life right now is the competition between memes and genes. (By the way, memes will win because they can mutate and retransmit millions of times faster than genes can.) So, become memetically attractive. In other words, have simple, worthwhile, intriguing things to say. It's as simple as that.

4. Have so accepted and endorsed your worst weaknesses that others feel safe around you. A lot of attraction works without you having to 'work it.' It happens by itself, behind the scenes. And one of the ways to profoundly affect others is to be so 'over yourself' that they, too, can get over themselves. We're all gripped by eye-popping fears and compelling desires, but when you've reached that place in life where you aren't affected by any of this stuff -- because you've fully accepted your humanness, faults AND talents, then others can have the same experience of themselves. It's magical. And profoundly attractive.

5. Open up new worlds for people, in their thinking, feeling or priorities. In other words, pull the rug out from folks whenever you can, but quickly give them a new chair to plop into on their way down. You can draw a missing distinction, question an antiquated assumption, challenge a strongly-held belief, plant a seed of a different crop, ask a strong inquiry-type question or give them words to express what they are barely able to sense. Okay, so that's a lot to learn if the above communication skills are new to you. But, boy are they fun!

6. Show others how to experience better what they already have. The point of unhooking yourself from the future and focusing more on today is made elsewhere in one of the Attraction Principles. But that principle is the parent of this one -- to show others how to better use and make more of what they already have, whether it be a problem or a gift. Most folks are so future oriented that they miss out on the opportunities staring right at them in the present. Be their eyes and ears for a minute and help them see the value of what's already all around them.

7. Remind people who they are instead of just complimenting them on what they've done. Praise and acknowledgment is nice, but that's a bit like telling your dog that his tail wags really well. Huh? The idea here is to focus on the person behind the accomplishment or problem. It's the fundamental distinction of who vs what. When you help the person get more in touch with the who (they are), they'll produce better whats. If you focus primarily on the whats, you'll soon be expecting the tail to wag the dog.

8. Give people something meaningful to do. I don't understand why, but most people are pretty bored. They are waiting for something interesting and meaningful to do. It seems that most people are being drugged by television, thus live in a sort of an excited stupor, if that's possible. So, if you're someone who is up to something and are willing to include people in on your game or project, most people will get meaning from that -- from being asked to play, but also by the game itself and the people they meet along the way. If you're working on a project, OPEN IT UP and profoundly affect a lot of other people. It's a perfect path to attraction.

9. Give people the tools they need to improve and evolve. The beginning of my evolving to computers happened in 1987 when the MIS director where I worked said he had an extra copy of Lotus 1-2-3 and asked if I wanted it. I barely knew that I should want it, but I faked a resounding 'Sure!' That single event changed my life forever and it took him about 10 seconds. He offered me a tool that, for some reason, he felt would help me. And it opened up a new world for me even though I no longer use Lotus 1-2-3, or even a spreadsheet! What tools do you currently have available to you that would profoundly affect others? Share all them.

10. Don't try to profoundly affect others. Okay, I had to toss this one in here. The idea is that the objective here is not to profoundly affect others. Because that'll get you into trouble, especially when they don't want to be profoundly affected. "Get away from me!" they'll shriek. You get the picture. However, what you can do is to care for others and share the above stuff with those who want it. That way, 'profoundly affecting' others won't become your cause, banner or reason for living. That would be pretty unattractive.

About the Author

This piece was originally submitted by Thomas Leonard, Popular Author, who can be reached at thomas@thomasleonard.com, or visited on the web at http://www.thomasleonard.com. Thomas Leonard wants you to know: Thomas Leonard is the founder of Coach U.

Copyright 1998, Coach U, all rights reserved.

The content above may be forwarded in full, with copyright/contact/creation information intact, without specific permission, when used only in a not-for-profit format. If any other use is desired, permission in writing from CoachU is required, with notification to the original author.
Questions: email pam@coachu.com.

Both men and women do much the same things when they are trying to meet their needs relationships-wise. These are some of the more common things men and women do when searching for love or for a serious personal relationship. In each case, it will *probably* not work out or succeed, or if it does, it will not be a "healthy" relationship.

*Everything about the other person tells your head and "gut" they are not the one for you, but you ignore your intuition and mind and go ahead anyhow!

*You fear or hate being alone, so you latch onto the first person that comes by and is available. This is *so* common!

*You mix up someone being nice or friendly with you with romantic or love feelings.

*Force their desire for a relationship onto the other person, and because the other person doesn't know how to say "no," they stay with you This can turn into a "co-dependent" relationship and be very unhealthy for both people.

*Even though you know this person has done bad things to other people in past relationships, you choose to believe that he/she will not do the same to you. You feel you can "change them."

*You look only at the person's looks and outside "package" and do not investigate or pay attention to what they are really like as a *person*.

*You mistake your great sexual adventures and fun with this person for love. "In "lust" instead of "in love."

*You are in a relationship, but you don't express your feelings and needs to your partner for fear you will hurt their feelings or make them angry.

*You know your partner is deceiving you/cheating on you but you refuse to believe it, even though you know the truth. You stay in denial about it all. Fear of being alone again often causes people to stay in a relationship like this. It lowers self-esteem and is very unhealthy. Usually, one way or another, the relationship will end.

This Article was written by Dennis Tesdell

Dennis R. Tesdell is a personal development and self-care coach with over 20 years of experience working with personal growth and self-development issues. He writes a weekly e-zime, "Self Care Weekly" which is read by thousands Weekly in 10 countries. Visit his web site where subscription and coaching Information can be found at http://www.coachdt.com.